I had a chat with a dear friend the other day; well, it was more of a one-sided rant, but she is a great listener and sometimes, we just want people to listen.
It came about with my dissatisfaction of myself. About my observations about the "great" people in this world, and why there are those who are fortunate to be considered great, and yet, it appears that what they do may not be any better or greater than what someone else does.
There are writers and artists of the past, whose work seems to surpass what others strive so hard to achieve.... not that perhaps they didn't strive hard too, but it is just expected that if it came from them, then it must be great!
I take pride in all the things I can do, I feel, without sounding like a braggart, that I am talented at many things.
Therein lies my problem.
I look at people who are great. They are great because they are passionate about one thing. Their focus is that one thing. It doesn't matter if it is humanitarian causes, writing, art, photography or even cooking, they excel in that one thing, and it shows, and they do not sway.
I have a wandering mind, a restless soul.
I don't seek recognition, I am too private for that... but for some reason, I seek the idea of greatness; to excel at one thing, to focus on one thing...
...but how do I choose that one thing without letting go of all the other things I love?
I want to write, I would love to pen a book, but I cannot sit long enough to write a chapter or formulate a story. And then I think about having to find a publisher and the changes and rewrites that all authors talk about, and so, I try to remain content with a few simple writings here and there.
I want to paint, and I want to sell my work, but my brush sits idly in a drawer. I want to sew, and I want to take photographs, and I want to design.... I could name a thousand things I want to do.
I take on hobby after hobby, because the excitement of the challenge thrills me; I love learning something new.
Perhaps one day my restless soul will be assuaged and I will focus... and then finally, greatness will come.
But then again, what is greatness?